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Filked From Argo
Tune: Leslie Fish, "Banned From Argo"
Lyrics: Steve Anderson
Published in Xenofilkia under the pseudonym Timothy Gerard.
(c) 1997-2005, Steve Anderson,
Writer.SGAcreative.com
DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction presented solely
for entertainment,
and is in no way intended to infringe
upon anyone's intellectual property rights.
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Once upon a time it was a simple little filk,
A silly tale of shore-leave set to music with
a lilt,
But there're always verses left to write about that horny Starfleet crew
And in a pinch
shenanigans from other series, too.
So there are... filks of "Argo" everywhere!
Filks of "Argo" 'til we all scream "Don't you dare!"
When Leslie Fish wrote down
the song, she surely couldn't know
That "Argo" filks would be everywhere you go.
With
Kirk we were banned from Argo as everybody knows,
But we went back nonetheless when Shatner's hair
wouldn't grow,
And our captain, he got drunk and stoned and took a Gorn to bed
And came back
for the movies with a tribble on his head.
And we were... banned from Argo yet again!
Banned from Argo, but only 'til "Next Gen"--
When Leslie Fish wrote down
the song, she surely couldn't know
That "Argo" filks would be everywhere you go.
Then
came a balder captain with an English "French" accent,
Who learned to loathe vacations after he to
Argo went--
All he wanted to do, he said, was sit and read all morn,
But the universal translator
said his book was Latin porn.
And it was... banned, the Argo censor said,
Banned on Argo, to protect the children's heads;
When Leslie Fish wrote down the song,
she surely couldn't know
That "Argo" filks would be everywhere you go.
A certain
big-eared bartender from a station near Bajor
Heard from his brother of a place that made Risa seem
a bore,
So he took his next vacation there, and sure they made him moan,
But a moan from torture's
not the same as from Jamaharon.
So he... ran from Argo, ran right home,
Ran from Argo, back to yell and curse at Rom;
When Leslie Fish wrote down the song,
she surely couldn't know
That "Argo" filks would be everywhere you go.
Now, surely
in the Delta Quadrant Argo can't be found,
But the filks ran on for four hundred years, and Neelix
like their sound--
So he gave his favorite recipes a simple tweak or two—
Now Janeway’s in love
with Seven, and Tuvok’s horny, too!
And it... feels like Argo yet again,
Feels like Argo, 'cuz the crew have gone insane!
When Leslie Fish wrote down the song,
she surely couldn't know
That "Argo" filks would be everywhere you go.
And what
of "Star Trek: Episode One," and the warp-five Enterprise?
Wouldn’t Kirk have known not to go at
all if Argo had banned those guys?
Well, when Kirk went back, and found that Gorn who made him her
boy-toy,
He always wondered afterwards why she said, "Oh, boy!"
But the story’s...
banned at Starfleet High Command!
Banned at Starfleet, both captains’ logs be damned!
When Leslie Fish wrote down the song, she surely couldn't know
That "Argo" filks
would be everywhere you go.
But "Argo" doesn't stop--with--the verse on Archer's crew,
For
when there's no more "Trek" to spoof, other shows will do:
The Minbari, Ripley's Aliens, and the
Predators all race
To get there before the Cylons, and the folks from "Lost in Space."
They're all... bound for Argo, yes indeed,
Bound for Argo at maximum warp speed;
When Leslie Fish wrote down the song she surely couldn't know
That "Argo"
filks would be everywhere you go.
A quasi-mythic heroine from Macedonia
Rescued a girl and
didn't say, "So long, goodbye, I'll seeya,"
So that girl became her sidekick and she wielded a mighty
staff,
And we filked about the day she’d trade their war-horse for a calf.
(Why?)
So she'd be... free of Argo, after all,
Free of Argo, Xena's horse who's "just too tall";
When Leslie Fish wrote down the song, she surely couldn't know
That "Argo"
filks would be everywhere you go.
And speaking of Macedonia, there's also Hercules;
Though
the show was lame, we loved the one about the Golden Fleece,
'Cuz no matter how many monsters with
Iolaus alone Herc fought,
For the Fleece he worked with Jason--and the Argonauts.
And when... Hercules and Jason fought,
We hoped that Herc would be--banned from the
Argonauts!
When Leslie Fish wrote down the song, she surely couldn't know
That "Argo" filks would be everywhere you go.
Well, as I'm singing here I see both how and also
why
This song is so addictive, but it leaves us high and dry--
'Cuz the verses keep on comin',
and there ain't no end in sight,
So once we start, we'll never stop, until the morning's light!
We'll be... filking "Argo" evermore,
Filking "Argo" 'til even filkers start
to snore--
When Leslie Fish wrote down the song, she surely couldn't know
That "Argo" filks would be everywhere you go.
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